The Time Capsule

December 2023

In elementary school my class put together a time capsule. I don’t remember what we put in it, where exactly it was buried, or what year it was to be dug up. I do remember feeling excited- what will life be like 20 years from this day? Where will we be? What will we be doing? There was a sense of excitement and hope for the future. 

It’s been well over 30 years since that time capsule day, and lots of amazing things have happened as well as lots of difficult things. Today I notice that as I sit and write this blog, I feel like I am living in a time capsule. All around me are memories from the past- photos of loved ones who have passed, trinkets they gave me over the years. It’s almost like I have become a living time capsule, collecting things and memories. I hover in the past, and it is hard sometimes to step over the things I’ve surrounded myself with in order to take steps forward. 

My Mom died on May 1st, 2021 and I feel on that day time stopped. I climbed into the time capsule with all the memories and all her things and my things and stayed there. It is forever May 1st, 2021. I participate in life everyday but am not always 100% present. New memories are made and slip into the time capsule intermingled with the past. Truly, everything in the present is cluttered and made dim by the past. I am forever walking into rooms forgetting why I am there. I am forever surrounded by memories that are beautiful but need a new place to live. 

Over Christmas I visited my parents at their cemetery. I brought them little holly plants and gave them kisses. Although the cemetery is their physical home, I don’t feel their presence there anymore. They are with me, and within me. Everything I do they can do with me now. Although I miss their physical presence, in some ways our relationship is even closer now because we are always together. They can be with me now in a way they couldn’t be in life. This new closeness is what I have found to be a surprising silver lining to grief and loss.

I will always honor them and cherish our memories and the tangible pieces that are left. But this year I would like to put the time capsule away and forge ahead with my dreams and goals and put my presence and energy into my relationships. Let’s go, Mom and Dad. Into 2024 and on to new adventures together!